Love in the Age of WhatsApp: How Technology Can Reduce the Power of Romantic Relationships
In an era where messaging apps like WhatsApp and video calling platforms such as FaceTime have become integral to daily communication, our understanding and experience of romantic love are evolving. Tony Milligan, a philosopher specializing in ethics at King’s College London, explores how the pervasive use of technology influences the dynamics and depth of romantic relationships, often diminishing their power when physical presence is limited.
Distance and Technology: A Double-Edged Sword
Romantic relationships have long involved elements of separation—whether due to work, travel, or other commitments—which historically has added a layer of longing and desire. Milligan asserts there is no inherent reason that love cannot endure across distances; people have always managed to sustain emotional bonds without constant physical proximity. However, when technology mediates all contact, it can amplify doubts and uncertainties about the relationship’s authenticity. For instance, text-based interactions often leave room for skepticism about whether the other person’s feelings are genuine or merely performative.
Today’s dating landscape can feel fraught with ambiguity, with endless swiping, mixed messages, and evolving expectations playing out largely in digital spaces. While these platforms help maintain connection, they can also heighten insecurities about sincerity and the true nature of another person’s affection.
The Irreplaceable Nature of Shared Physical Space
Milligan highlights a crucial aspect of romantic love often overlooked in philosophical discussions: the significance of places shared between partners. Unlike online interactions or AI-driven conversations, love flourishes in tangible, familiar locations—homes, favorite spots, or simply being physically close. Although technology facilitates continuous contact when separated, it cannot replace the subtleties and warmth of being emotionally and physically together.
He notes that his own philosophical work on love has not fully accounted for how central place and physical presence are for couples. Humans do not simply seek connection anywhere; they seek it in meaningful, shared contexts. Excessive reliance on mediated communication risks relegating love to a "second-rate" status, lacking the depth and fulfillment that come with physical togetherness.
Philosophical and Evolutionary Perspectives on Love
Milligan argues that not all forms of love are equal—a perspective supported by a long philosophical tradition dating back to Plato, which recognizes some loves as “better” because they better satisfy human needs for connection and joy. Scientific studies reinforce this by showing that romantic and parental love activate reward systems in the brain more robustly than other attachments.
Moreover, love is bounded by human nature and evolutionary heritage. Our embodied, physical selves crave and depend upon the experience of togetherness in a shared space. This is not only a human trait but one observed among other social animals such as chimpanzees and dogs. These biological and social foundations limit the extent to which technology can substitute for face-to-face interaction without diminishing the experience of love.
The Limits of Technologically Mediated Romance
According to Milligan, attempts to equate remote or technologically mediated relationships—such as those with holographic characters or AI companions—with the genuine intimacy found between physical partners miss essential realities of human love. While technology can bridge gaps caused by distance, it should not be mistaken as a full replacement.
Still, embracing technology as a tool for connection during physical separation remains valuable. Milligan himself frequently uses WhatsApp and FaceTime to maintain contact with his wife Suzanne when apart, underscoring that digital communication can complement but cannot supplant physical togetherness.
Conclusion: Technology as a Means, Not an End
Love mediated heavily through technology risks becoming a diminished version of what it can be. While long-distance relationships and digital communication have their place, the fullest expressions of romantic love require actual, shared experience in physical spaces. As Milligan poignantly suggests, technology’s promise lies in facilitating the eventual reunion in tangible places—a return “home” where love can be experienced in its richest form.
This perspective invites us to appreciate the profound interplay between our social, physical, and emotional natures and to recognize the inherent limitations that technology poses when it comes to some of humanity’s most enduring and meaningful bonds.
